Somewhat guiltily I begin this entry as unanswered e-mails pile up in my yahoo account. I'm on the waxing end of an "unfocused" phase in regard to correspondence. Phases pass me by where being in front of the computer or paper is a "natural" thing (meaning, what needs to be finished/written, is finished) and other times where my eyes/mind are simply unable to work in conjunction. Usually, the unfocused phases are not characterized by any sort of melancholy or malaise; it's just that nothing comes to the surface worthy of expression. The other end of the spectrum is that, at times, half-baked or unsupported thoughts run the risk of being either a.) ridiculous, b.) naive, c.) caricature, or d.) detrimental - I would prefer that none of those adjectives are used in association with my name. Thinking out loud can be helpful, but should be done in trusted and patient company. These reasons partly informed my decision to eschew the monthly update in favor of the more freeflowing nature of the blog. Both the reader and the writer are able to exercise a degree of independence and judgement in regard to what is, or is not, useful at a particular time. Currently, it is useful to outline this train of thought.

Other random bits of news; an exercise to shed useless information and return to a more focused stage of mind:

1. Heart of Darkness was certainly a dark novella. Unspeakable rites and practices, madness, stepping to the edge and turning back, all this and more. Honestly, the background information on the story has proved more riveting than the tale itself.

2. Projects, secret and otherwise, creep towards...somewhere. The oven may be fireable this week, the dance troupe has a performance to work towards, and I'll turn in that water project proposal this week. For real. After waiting for so long to finish it, I fear that it may be a rather anti-climatic moment. Will there be fireworks, or a line of people waiting to shake my hand in congratulations? After many false starts, perhaps naive is an apt descriptor of my thought process. It remains to be seen where all this shall end up; somewhere, certainly.

3. Health: sore throat, the first noticable illness since initiating service. Knock on carabao dung that it remains as such.

4. I am feeling more comfortable, more quickly, in the use of an SLR camera than initially expected. This doesn't mean that anything I've done is professional, or good, blahblahblah, but it is more fun. More fun means more pictures, more pictures is like more practice; I don't believe that "practice makes perfect", but it can help. I do enjoy watching people look through the photographs after they are developed. Few people have serviceable cameras - most pictures you see are dark or out of focus; when they see themselves, or someone they know, without those problems, smiles and laughter are soon to follow. That is fun.

5. It's the rainy season again. Why is it so hot?

6. A gentleman from Solano wishes to play "old" songs with me at a local bar. Old means: CSNY, Beatles, et cetera. I like that. Old is good. We can do old.

It looked like rain today, and thus I decided to leave off the world-map gig and began the day at home. This entailed reading a bit further in Joseph Conrad’s caricature Heart of Darkness, writing a letter, cleaning the bike, and playing guitar. I’ve been practicing more of late, something that has been a great boon for many reasons. Usually I just play the tunes that I’ve written, but there is great satisfaction derived from playing this or that phrase correctly, and well, of another. "Heart of Darkness" is quite the read. V.S. Naipaul referred to it constantly in his writings on Africa, and for that reason I decided to pick it up. It seems appropriate to read about the deep end of “trade” in Leopold II’s Congo, while living in a former colony. Further thought as to how often the lofty talk of fireside conferences fall prey to the baser desires of man. While the story is fiction, given the epoch it refers too, the line between fiction and reality is blurry. I have yet to reach its conclusion; the language too is eloquent and evocative – the darkness described is palpable.

Yet, as the day wore on it quickly became apparent that the afternoon would be ideal painting weather. Well, there’s nothing else to do as I’m here in town and the map is there on the mountain. Perhaps tomorrow will yield a beautiful day from the start and no question as to go or not will remain. The map’s completion has been delayed consistently by rain – today I didn’t wish to hike two hours only to work for one. In any event, things that I wanted to do have been done, and this has been good. Mostly it’s been nice to take it easy; my body seems to have returned to normal after visiting home, and a slow morning allowed me to relish this fact.

The construction of the bread oven began last week, and may be completed this Saturday. With promises of food and beer (mind you, not enough to adversely affect the oven’s final form) I’ve enticed several folks to work and, if I ready most things this week, we’ll be well on the way. Interest has been expressed in constructing other ovens. Of course, at the onset this always happens. I figure, build this one, bake bread for those interested parties, then we’ll see. If interest is still high, let’s do it! This project fills a deep need of mine to create and sustain positive change – change, at this point that is basically individual. If I can help give that to others as well…then my purpose here lies fulfilled. Freedom is most easily found in the things that one can do for one’s self; if it is something as simple as a loaf of bread, that then is freedom.

Now to the post office, market, so on and so forth. I have a few tomato and cucumber shoots in the garden to boast of…this too is freedom! Let freedom ring!